Bugging Junior E. Lee about current events

You deserve the best and the best I can offer you today is Junior E. Lee. As longtime readers know and those who are recent to this column will soon learn, Junior is one of a kind. Not only is he the general manager of the Yarbrough Worldwide Media and Pest Control Company, located in Greater Garfield, Georgia, but he is also the man behind the renowned Round or Square Polls, whose motto is, “We will cook the results if you will provide us enough dough.”

Oh, and did I mention that Junior E. Lee is not only highly respected in media circles for his insightful analysis of current global macroeconomics, but he is also a pest control professional? Try asking Tucker Carlson or Rachael Maddow if they know the difference between a Popillia japonica and a Ephemeroptera and watch that smug look disappear from their face. Or ask Otto the Orkin Man what the exchange rate between the Albanian lek and the Papua New Guinean Kina is and see what he says. (In case you are interested, 1 lek equals 0.043 kinas.) So, you see why Junior E. Lee such a valuable member of the team is and why I am proud to share his expertise with you at no additional cost.

I found Junior at Arveen Ridley’s place spraying for cow ticks, or as he refers to them, Rhipicephalus microplus. Ever the professional. He thought you might be interested in knowing he generally uses acaricides on cow ticks, which can be applied in various ways, such as cattle dips or sprays like Bayticol Dip and Spray or by a backline pour-on. (Acatak Duostar Pour-On is his preference.)

I told him I was sure you would want to know more about this fascinating subject, but perhaps at a later time. Right now, I thought a discussion of current events was in order. For example, if Vladamir Putin gets tired of Ukraine continuing to kick his жопа, might he decide to nuke the whole world just for spite? That would certainly put the issue of cow tick treatments on the back burner.

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Junior said that wasn’t likely to happen. He reminded me that Donald Trump says he will end the war on his first day in office. That is, after he has pardoned the U.S. Capitol rioters, annexed Canada, taken back the Panama Canal, put Liz Cheney in his time-out chair and paid the $2 million he owes Rudy Giuliani from the 2020 presidential campaign so the poor guy can get back his 1980 Mercedes-Benz SL 500 previously owned by Lauren Bacall and a fresh supply of hair dye.

I told Junior that was a bit much for us to digest and could we talk instead about what might be occurring in Georgia in the coming year. He said he was working on finalizing the latest polling data as soon as he had sprayed Lester Groover’s backyard to get rid of thrips. He said while some folks prefer to sprinkle diatomaceous earth on plants, he is of the firm belief that neem oil is more effective in eradicating thrips (order Thysanoptera.) I told him I would pass that along to you, knowing you would be spellbound but could we get back to Georgia?

Junior said one crazy rumor going around his circle of contacts concerns state Rep. Lynn Smith, chair of the House Natural Resources and Environment Committee, who has bottled up legislation that would address the issue of drag-mining the Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge for toothpaste whitener, by refusing to let it come to the House floor for a vote and won’t respond to concerned Georgians as to why.

What is the rumor, I asked. Junior says he is hearing there will be an effort to move her hometown of Newnan to the middle of the Okefenokee swamp and drag-mine the town square daily. That is a crazy rumor, I said, but I like it. So will readers who have contacted her to no avail.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at [email protected] or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139.