A couple on a cruise
By Adeline Ike The sun burns my plump face, but it's nothing to ruin this vacation! Lying here on this beach chair, on a big cruise ship with my shriveling hubby, and drinking fresh lemonade...the life when you have no people to bother you. Randy can't call up my phone because I left it at home—she's the very annoying neighbor. "Look Deb, a seagull," John--my husband-- says, pointing his finger at it. "Oh wow, it's a white one too," I add. We're both mesmerized by it until it flies off. "John, look what you did. Scared the thing off." "I did?" I sit back in my chair and sigh, "Sure you did." "Relaxing, right?" I nod my head to the stranger sitting not too far from me, "Yeah. It's the life." "Yes, I'm glad you won't have to tell me all about it like you would've when you got home. I get to experience it with you...Debby." I sit up, spilling my lemonade down my chest, "Randy?!" "Yes?" Oh no she didn't. Oh my gosh, it is her. Perfect body, a pink bikini, and a large white hat. My vacation is officially over. And she's got her hot husband just to tell me mine isn't looking the greatest since these years have been flying by like Sonic the Hedgehog. Darn, that woman. Pure evil. "I'm confused." "Oh, it's nice to see you too, Debby. What are we going to do after this hot tan?" Ah. Her voice. She pronounces every word so loud and like she owns the Earth.
"John, you're looking good with that new tan by the way!" She shouts to him. She means sunburn. And what right does she have to talk to my husband like that? "What do you mean 'what are we gonna do after this hot tan?' This is a vacation. So, we are kinda supposed to just lay around like this...with peace and quiet. No loud, obnoxious voices, or eyes to stare you down that you can see from the corner of your eye...so, um, yeah." I say without looking at her. “What a nice way to view a vacation. I should tell you about the worst vacation I've had before. I was only 16 years old--" "Nice 'story' Randy, how about something like...peace and quiet." Randy doesn't get what I'm implying. "Wait," she drags out her a, "Are you mad at me or something? You're being very rude, Debby." Maybe I should just up and say 'You are the most annoying woman neighbor someone could have, and the only reason I even came on this cruise was to get away from you. You and your bodybuilder, hot husband should move to the other side of the boat'. "Are you kidding me?" she says. Wait...did I say that out loud? I guess I did with that red face of hers. My hubby gets up, "I'm gonna get in the hot tub. Hey Mark, wanna come with?" They both leave the fiery conversation. Randy scoots her chair closer, "Debra 'whatever your last name is,' you take those words back. I thought we were BFFs!" "What are you, 12? Do adults even use the word BFF? No. It just means you need to grow up, Randy. I am not your BFF, I'm your secret enemy...wait, your my secret enemy!" "You butt head! I baked you cupcakes for 2 weeks when you slipped in the tub!" "Yeah, they tasted like soap," I say. "Or maybe when you slipped 'in that tub' you inhaled too much soapy water." "Is this a competition on who can say the meanest words? If so, you're too skinny, and your perfume is nasty. Your skin looks yellow. Also, you're just a nosy neighbor hungry for news to spread to your hundreds of stuck-up adult friends that act like my teenage daughter." "You take that back, 'Debby'!" she keeps calling me the nick-name I hate to be called. "Well, it's all true!" Randy gets up, "You went too far. Goodbye, Debby." And she dramatically runs to the stairwell and disappears. "Cut!" the director says, "Nice job, everybody. Perfect shot. Almost real and believable with how much you hate each other." That's why I suggested my neighbor act in this movie. Nothing like true feelings.
DEBBY AND JOHN